I'll copy in the text here in case you weren't following us there:
In many ways, it seems like it was just a few days ago, but in other ways, it seems like a long time ago. Grief changes your perspective on so many things.
God has taught me SO much over this past year. I learned to depend on Him in ways that I never had to previously. I learned to allow God to be present in my life in ways I had not done previously. I learned who God *is* in ways that I had never previously experienced. Without going through the grief of losing Dwayne, I am not sure that I could have learned these lessons. While I never would have chosen to lose Dwayne, I am thankful for the lessons I have learned.
I've also learned about grief and other people. A lot of folks seem to know the exact right things to do when you are grieving... I now know that I have *no* clue about how grief is supposed to be done... only the person in the midst of it has any clue, and they will do the best they can do with the resources that they have. It isn't up to me to tell anyone else how they should or should not grieve.
However, having someone to listen, to be an available shoulder to cry on, to walk alongside and not have any expectations of you, to be understanding when you are totally non-understandable, to show compassion... wow, that is a precious gift. I have been blessed to have a number of those "someones" in my life.
Dwayne had some specific sayings that meant so much to us through his sickness, and to me after his death.
I know that the readers of this CaringBridge know about "two words" : "Trust God". It was really hard at times to trust God after Dwayne's death. Honestly, it is still hard for me to trust God with some things -- for example, I have a hard time with praise songs that declare that "He's my Healer", but, factually, I know He is, and, I know that Dwayne is perfectly and completely healed in heaven, but it is still "one of those things" with which I am struggling.
The other thing that Dwayne would always say, when someone asked, "How are you?", he would respond, "Wonderfully Blessed!" He would say, "I can't say, 'I'm good' because Jesus said that only God is good, and I can't say, 'I'm fine' because a lot of the time I'm not really fine, and that would be a lie, and I don't want to be a liar. But, I can say that I'm 'Wonderfully Blessed' because that is always true." I started using that response - even when many days I did not *feel* wonderfully blessed, I was nevertheless and am indeed wonderfully blessed, regardless of my feelings.
Dwayne's presence in my life, his love for me, continues to impact my life. I am so grateful for this man that God allowed me to share my life with for such a long time.
I am also grateful for those of you who followed along this journey with me and with us - I am thankful for the blessing you have been in my life.
With love and gratitude,
Patti
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