A TED talk about Moving Forward

A friend shared the link to this TED talk with me -
https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it?language=en

Some of it I don't agree with, but there are several things she said that that resonated with me:

"...everyone you love has a 100% chance of dying..."
"Grief is so uncomfortable, especially if it is someone else's grief."
"When your person dies .... your friends and your family are just going to look around through friends of friends of friends of friends until they find someone who's gone through something similar, and then they'll push you towards each other so you can talk amongst yourselves and not get your sad on other people."

She goes on to talk about the fallacy of "Moving on" - as if somehow the person that you lost can just be put into a compartment and not brought up again -- when everything about you is, to some extent, a result of having that person in your life.

"But grief is kind of one of those things, like, falling in love or having a baby ... where you don't get it until you get it, until you do it. And once you do it, once it's your love or your baby, once it's your grief and your front row at the funeral, you get it. You understand what you're experiencing is not a moment in time, it's not a bone that will reset, but that you've been touched by something chronic. Something incurable. It's not fatal, but sometimes grief feels like it could be."

The thing that just was so descriptive for me is "so you can talk amongst yourselves and not get your sad on other people."

Do you remember back in grade school when kids would talk about someone having "cooties"?
I don't even know what a "cootie" is, but I feel like I have "grief cooties".
It isn't that anyone has said anything about me needing to "move on", but I, dare I say, *hate* that grief and loss comes up in me anytime I'm not distracting myself with other busy-ness. I fear that friends and family will get tired of Patti being a grieving person and not want to be around her anymore. It isn't that anyone has expressed that they are tired of it, but I don't want to get to the point with my friends that they just don't want to be around me anymore... and I only recognize it because I'm not with friends anymore...

So, I gravitate toward those who "get it". I so appreciate my GriefShare class because we can each remember and talk and cry and grieve, and feel confident that no one is going to be uncomfortable. I so appreciate a few widows who are further along in their widowhood journey who will share with me how they got through and invest time with me. I appreciate friends who continue to be willing to listen and hear what is going on...

Thank you for continuing to care for me and pray for me!